"The Linux Gazette...making Linux just a little more fun!"

(?) The Answer Guy (!)

By James T. Dennis, tag@lists.linuxgazette.net
LinuxCare, http://www.linuxcare.com/


(!)Greetings From Jim Dennis

(?)a small question --or--
Using a 286 as a Serial Terminal
(?)What's wrong with internal modems?
(?)Error starting recompiling process?
(?)How Can I Delete? --or--
Deleting Files and UNIX Permissions
(?)No rule to make target 'config' --or--
Recompiling Kernel to Support CD-ROM
(?)Fvwm95-Wharf --or--
fvwm95-Wharf: xterm comes out black?
(!)Another "No Login" Problem: A little tip
(?)Multilink PPP using Linux --or--
Modem Multi-link PPP: EQL
(?)New Linux Distribution --or--
How to Create a New Linux Distribution: Why?
(?)login source code --or--
Seeing Stars During Login
(?)Personal LAN setup... --or--
Setting up a Personal/Home LAN
(?)Good morning!!! --or--
Essay Quiz
(?)diald dials every hour... --or--
Overactive diald
(?)Modem Problem --or--
Another Lost Soul
(?)Plee for help
(?)security issue, /etc/passwd --or--
Secure Shutdown from the Console
(?)Linux and Y2K
(?)Your approach to Y2K problem --or--
Y2K Cause Arithmetic Failures?

(!) Greetings from Jim Dennis

Dear Bill,
Thanks for the offer letter. Of course, I'll take that promotion. I'd love a senior marketing position at Microsoft's sunny Seattle campus.
I'll be happy to help MS focus on its core competencies (making mice, joysticks, keyboards, and the exciting new "Talking Teletubby (TM)" line of toys. It's definitely the best thing since "Teddy Ruskin (TM)" and the "Cabbage Patch (TM)" dolls.
(I have some interesting strategic proposals for dealing with the Mattel and Fisher-Price problems, but we'll discuss them when you meet me at SeaTac next week. Not that they're anti-competitive or anything like that! But be sure to "secure delete" this e-mail after reading it. Too bad you don't have that new "one-time reader" code integrated into Outlook (TM) yet. We're still stuck using that old Norton code)
I agree with your assessment about software. That's definitely passe. We'll only have a couple more years before those Linux geeks completely eat our lunch. Believe me, after this prolonged undercover assignment that I've been on I know all about Linus' subversive plan. BTW, thank Paul for starting that company to hire Linus. I would have hated to go to Helsinki and attempt the infiltration during one of their winters. I'm sure he was right to put that down here in the Silicon Valley; the ploy might have been a little too transparent if we'd put it up in King county.
It's too bad that MSN has been such a flop so far. How are the AOL acquisition plans going? I still think you should set up a European shell to do that. If Daimler-Benz can buy Chrysler than I don't see why we can't have British Telecom come in and nab AOL.
Luckily MSNBC is doing pretty well, and should be ripe for the Senate elections in 2002. We definitely have to finish our diversification out of software before then, since I don't think we can string out the W2K delays much longer than that.
By the way, we should fire that red bearded freak that's been ghostwriting "The Answer Guy" for me. He's actually been HELPING our customers put Linux on OUR computers and I heard that he said some choice personal things about YOU. I even heard he got access to some of our internal memos and is planning on leaking them to "Obi Wan Raymond." (http://www.userfriendly.org/cartoons/archives/98dec/19981203.html)
After those "Halloween" fiascos I'd hate to see an "April Fool's Document...."

Previous "Answer Guy" Columns

Answer Guy #1, January 1997
Answer Guy #2, February 1997
Answer Guy #3, March 1997
Answer Guy #4, April 1997
Answer Guy #5, May 1997
Answer Guy #6, June 1997
Answer Guy #7, July 1997
Answer Guy #8, August 1997
Answer Guy #9, September 1997
Answer Guy #10, October 1997
Answer Guy #11, December 1997
Answer Guy #12, January 1998
Answer Guy #13, February 1998
Answer Guy #14, March 1998
Answer Guy #15, April 1998
Answer Guy #16, May 1998
Answer Guy #17, June 1998
Answer Guy #18, July 1998
Answer Guy #19, August 1998
Answer Guy #20, September 1998
Answer Guy #21, October 1998
Answer Guy #22, November 1998
Answer Guy #23, December 1998
Answer Guy #24, January 1998
Answer Guy #25, February 1998
Answer Guy #26, March 1998

Copyright © 1999, James T. Dennis
Published in The Linux Gazette Issue 39 April 1999

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