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Author bios are now at the bottom of the corresponding article. This was suggested by Dustin Puryear, and we decided we like the idea. What do you readers think?

Wacko Topic of the Month

(?) Yamaha and UFOs

Answered By Ben Okopnik, Mike Orr, Heather Stern

I wanted to ask if you service yamahe music equipment.

(!) [Ben] Hey, LG does mention "Yamaha" a dozen times in past issues (the sound card, obviously). Maybe the guy was getting desperate and trying every source... That is pretty wild, though. I'm still waiting for "Dear Earthlings: I just installed Windows on my UFO, and now I can't get back in..."

(!) [Mike] "Hey Earthlings, we just installed something called Windoze En-Tee on our flying saucer, and it made all or monitors turn blue. There's a message in white letters on the screen, but we don't understand the language. Please help URGENTLY as our spacecraft is out of control and is locked on a crash course with Earth."

(!) [Heather] Fellow-being: What you need is to install something else quick. Since your saucer can run Windoze (also called MSwin or windows or wind*ws) I recommend "ZipSlack" It can load quickly onto the "FAT" filesystem MSwin uses and once you have successfully launched that you should stop crashing...

You may want something more well-tuned to your saucer once you have that going.

According to my research (slim pickings, most of our movies about aliens don't describe their software, but one notes you are able to run some of our virus software), apparently your native operating system most closely resembles something here called "MacOS". This is at least part of the problem, nearly any earthling knows that the MacOS and Windows vendors are at war with each other.

Unfortunately MacOS is proprietary so getting you a working copy without getting some Earth hardware to go with it, may be a problem, esp. if you have no Earth currency aboard.

Fortunately, we Linuxers can recommend either Yellow Dog Linux or LinuxPPC 2000 , as well as Debian. I can't say which will have the fastest install - a Mac-using friend highly recommends the first... Debian is highly available so you should be able to reach a mirror site no matter which of our land masses you are presently nearest. To save you time the web link you need is Normally they discourage getting ISO images directly like that but, they expect you to have a stable system to fetch. I hope you will have no problems whatsoever creating discs ... By the way, most earthlings don't understand the funny messages generated by those blue screens either. Luckily I can assure you they don't help fix the problem...

Not Linux

RFC 3092 muses on the etymology of 'foo' and 'bar'. Among other things, it says the "wildly popular" Smokey Stover comic strip of the 1930s by Bill Holman "featured a firetruck called the Foomobile that rode on two wheels."

The RFC also has a table of which other RFCs mention "foo", "bar" or "fubar".

Rory Krause and I came up with this one:
the sysadmin's dance: do the Buggy Boogie.

CueJack is a Windows application that lets you scan a products with a :CueCat scanner, then displays a web page with "alternative information" about the product's company. As you can guess, the "alternative information" is stuff the company doesn't want you to know. "This could be information about corporate abuse, boycotts against the company, even how much money the company is making, their corporate image as presented to shareholders, etc." Courtesy Slashdot.

Miscellania: The program was renamed from CueHack because another program already had the same name. The author is working on a Linux version but says there are technical difficulties.

World of Spam

Some of the funnier spams found in the Gazette mailbox.

... helps Businesses to eliminate the need of hiring telemarketers Automated initial customer application process and many more features......... You will smile all the way to the Bank!!

Automatically calls........ To market products and to make announcements. To confirm preset appointments, prescheduled meetings, and conferences. Our CTI software can be used by businesses and services by calling sequentially or randomly. Automatically dials up to 2,000 - 10,000 prospects per day without human interference. When our CTI software calls it can simply leave a message or it can ask for a response. You may obtain responses by recording their voices, asking them to press a key, to respond to choices or transferring to a live operator. Just record your messages, select which group ( Data Bases) you want to call , when you want to start and stop, and then let our CTI software got to work calling everyone. You will save tremendous time and get results very fast ! without increasing your overheads or hiring extra help.

[ Your Editor got an obnoxious phone call at home recently from one of these machines. The recorded message said, "Please hold until a representative can get to you." Click!

Subject: BOUNCE Message too long (>40000 chars)
It's nice to know the TAG spamfilter is working. ;) -Mike.]

From: Justin Catterall
Date: Fri, 6 Apr 2001 22:39:05 +0100

Regarding the Nigerian money scam in last month's Not Linux.

I've been receiving faxes the same as this for a few years at work, the scam is worse than it looks: they *have* been succesful on several occaions - all UK (if not world) banks know not to let their customers get involved.

What basically happens is A N Idiot agrees to the deal, signs the papers and money appears in his/her account. A N Idiot then transfers most of the money to another account (the scammer's). The money coming into the account then never arrives - originating bank denies knowledge or whatever - A N Idiots bank ha's, in the mean time, sent the money to another bank. The first thing the bank does is debit A N Idiot's account... A N Idiot is holding the can for an awful lot more money than they thought they'd ever see.

Holding the can for more money than you thought you'd ever see is probably better than holding the can for the first million you've just made and is all you have because if you're 999,000 away from paying back 1,000,000 they aren't really going to try to get it back but if you're nearly their they'll clean you out then lock you up.

These scammers are real bastards, if I didn't know it happened I wouldn't believe people could be so bad to other people.

Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that this scam has worked and how it worked (roughly and AIUI).

Keep up the work with the gazette.

From: James Suttie
Date: Fri, 20 Apr 2001 22:36:48 +0100

keep up the good work with Linux Gazette - here's one of many links to the African spam scam!

Are you planning to rent a Limousine, Sedan or a Private car for your Teen Prom Ceremony this session?

ALWAYS SEND $5 CASH (U.S. CURRENCY) FOR EACH REPORT CHEQUES NOT BE ACCEPTED ALWAYS SEND YOUR ORDER VIA FIRST CLASS MAIL Make sure the cash is concealed by wrapping it in at least two sheets of paper. On one of those sheets of paper, include: (a) the number & name of the report you are ordering, (b) your e-mail address, and (c) your name & postal address.

Free Leads Daily - Spam FREE! No Cost to you!

YOU CAN make over a half million dollars every 4 to 5 months from your home for a one time investment of only twenty five U.S. Dollars.


I understand you are seeking information about home based business opportunities.

--LEGITIMATE online business, which is SUCCESSFUL and GROWING.

--PERFECT for someone who has VERY LITTLE TIME to invest or for someone who LOVES being online!

Please email me at the address below to receive FREE VITAL INFORMATION (You'll very well Kick Yourself and your Modem if you don't)

Our research indicates this information may be of interest to you.

Hello gazette
WOW! This is absolutely amazing! Now you can put money in your pocket at warp speed using the internet! We're not talking weeks or even days, but within HOURS!! Wouldn't you like to be $5,000 richer by the day after tomorrow? Then you can do it again as often as you like - even every day! For all the fantastic details, send a blank email to: [address]

E-zine Editors... Authors... Information Publishers...** NEVER BEFORE SEEN ** Techniques For Turning an Electronic Newsletter Into a $20,000+ a Month Profit Stream!
[Wow, something that's actually relevant to LG -Mike.]

Happy Linuxing!

Michael Orr
Editor, Linux Gazette,

Copyright © 2001, the Editors of Linux Gazette.
Copying license
Published in Issue 66 of Linux Gazette, May 2001